Читать онлайн «The Bro Code»

Whether we know it or not, each of us lives a life governed by an internalized code of conduct. Some call it morality. Others call it religion. I call it "the Bro Code."

Now, for the first time on paper, I have recorded the rules of social decorum that Bros have practiced since the dawn of man… if not before. The Bro Code previously existed only as an oral tradition (heh), so I have journeyed the globe to piece together and transcribe the scattered fragments of the Bro Code, pausing only to flesh it out myself (double heh). While not intending to write a "Guide to Being a Bro," if men should treat it as such and pass this compendium of knowledge from one generation to the next, I have little doubt it would bring a tear to my eye. But not out of it. That would be a violation of Article 41: A Bro never cries.

Centuries from now, when a Bro applies the rudiments of the Bro Code to score a three-boobed future chick, the only thanks I'll need is the knowledge that I — in whatever small capacity — Bro'd him out… though if he could figure out how to bring me back to life, that would be pretty awesome, too.

— Barney Stinson

You've probably heard the word "Bro" used liberally at your local bar or gym. Perhaps you've seen it recklessly confused with "dude" or "guy" in an adventure-themed soft-drink commercial. Maybe even you yourself have unwittingly tossed out a "Bro" when asking a stranger for the time. But an important distinction must be drawn: just because a guy is a dude, doesn't mean that dude is a Bro.

Q: What is a Bro?

A: A Bro is a person who would give you the shirt off his back when he doesn't want to wear it anymore. A Bro is a person who will bend over backwards to help you bend someone else over backwards. In short, a Bro is a lifelong companion you can trust will always be there for you, unless he's got something else going on.

Q: Who is your Bro?

A: Your mailman is a Bro, your father was once a Bro, and the boy who mows your lawn represents the Bro of tomorrow, but that doesn't make him your Bro. When someone has faithfully upheld one or more of the codes in the Bro Code, then you may consider him your Bro. Warning: Exercise caution when bringing home a hot chick — your brother may or may not be your Bro.

Q: Can only dudes be Bros?

A: You don't need to be a guy to be somebody's Bro, provided you uphold the moral values contained within this sacred canon. When a woman sets a guy up with her busty friend, she's acting as a Bro. And if she sets him up with other hot friends after he slept with the first one and never called her again, then she's officially his Bro.

As you thumb through The Bro Code, you may come across some words and terms you've never seen before. Many have been boldfaced and placed in the Glossary on page 193 so you can familiarize yourself with the Bronacular.