Читать онлайн «Смешные рассказы / The Funny Stories»

Автор О. Генри

Смешные рассказы / The Funny Stories

© Матвеев С. А. , подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь

© Ганненко В. В. , подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь

© Прокофьева О. Н. , подготовка текста, комментарии, словарь

© ООО «Издательство АСТ», 2019

Дорогие читатели!

Вы держите в руках сборник юмористических рассказов на английском языке. В него вошли как признанные шедевры, так и произведения, мало знакомые русскому читателю. Несмотря на то что эти тексты были в значительной степени адаптированы, удалось сохранить авторский стиль, живой язык, и, конечно же, искрометный юмор. Смейтесь от души и совершенствуйте свой английский. А в конце книги вы найдете словарь, который облегчит вам понимание текстов.

A Man of Habit

Jerome K. Jerome

1.  Smoking and drinking

There were three of us in the smoke-room of the ship – me, my very good friend, and, in the opposite corner, a shy man, the editor, as we knew out later, of a New York Sunday paper.

My friend and I were talking about habits, good and bad.

“After the first few months,” my friend said, “it is as easy to be a saint as to be a sinner; it becomes a habit. ”

“I know,” I interrupted, “it is as easy to jump out of bed early in the morning as to say 'All Right,' and turn over for another five minutes of sleep, when you have got the habit. Not to swear is as easy as to swear, if you make a custom of it. A piece of bread and water is as delicious as champagne, when you got used to its taste.

It is only a question of making your choice and getting used it. ”

He agreed with me.

“Now take one of my cigars,” he said, pushing his open cigar case to me.

“Thank you,” I replied quickly, “I'm not smoking during this trip. ”

“Don't be afraid,” he answered, “It was just an argument. One of these cigars would make you ill for a week. ”

I agreed.

He leant back and puffed great clouds into the air, filled the small room with a terrible smell.

“Then again,” he continued after a pause, “Take my wine. No, you don't like it. ” (my face betrayed me. ) “Nobody does, no one I have ever met. Three years ago, when I lived in Hammersmith, we caught two thieves with it. They opened the cupboard, and drank five bottles of it. A policeman found them later, sitting on a doorstep a hundred yards from my house. They were too ill and went to the police station like lambs, because he promised to send the doctor to them the moment they were safe in the cells. Since then I leave a bottle on the table every night.