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Game Control

GAME CONTROL

Lionel Shriver

To the

NAIROBI PRESS CORPS whom I can thank for

my most barbaric opinions, and none of whose number ever batted an eye at the premise for this book.

The most dignified thing for a worm to do is to sit up and sit still.

HENRY ADAMS

Contents

Epigraph iii

1 The Curse of the Uninvited 1

2 Family Planning from the Tar Pits 19

3 In the Land of Shit-Fish 34

4 Spiritual Pygmies at the Ski Chalet 43

5 What Some Women Will Put Up With 65

6 Recipes for Romantic Evenings 80

7 Dog Days of Millennial Dread 91

8 Bitter Pills in the Love-Stone Inn 109

9 The Enigma Variations 124

10 A Drive to Bob’s Save-Life Bar 142

11 The Battle of the Bunnies and the Rats 153

12 Maggots in the Breezes of Opah Sanders’s Fan 164

13 The Diet of Worms 176

14 Paying the Piper 190

15 More Parameters 204

16 The IMF is OBE’ed 220

17 Back in the Behavioural Sink 234

18 An Elephant for Breakfast 252

19 Sprinkled with Vim and Garnished with Doom 262

ENDPAPERS: The Cool Rats 273

P. S. Insights, Interviews & More… 278

About the Author

Praise

Other Books by Lionel Shriver Cover

Copyright

About the Publisher

1 The Curse of the Uninvited

‘Not on the list,’ the

askari declared grandly.

‘Perhaps…’ the other voice oiled, deceptively polite, ‘one of the

organizers…Dr Kendrick?’ Exaggerated patience made a mockery

of good manners.

With the bad luck that would characterize the next five days,

Aaron Spring was just passing the entranceway. Swell. The last thing

any population conference needed was Calvin Piper.

The Director bustled brusquely to the door. ‘It’s quite all right,’

he assured the African with a sticky smile. ‘This is Dr Piper. Is there

some problem with his registration?’

‘This man is not on my list,’ the askari insisted.

‘There must have been some oversight. ’ Spring scanned the clipboard. ‘Let’s enter him in, so this doesn’t happen again. ’ The Kikuyu glared. ‘Not with that animal. ’

Reluctantly, the Director forced himself to look up.

Wonderful. A

green monkey was gooning on Calvin’s shoulder, teeth bared. Spring

slipped the askari twenty shillings. That was not even a dollar, but

the price of this visit was just beginning.

The interloper looked interestedly around the foyer, as if pointing

out that he had not been here for some time and things might have

changed.

‘So good to see you. ’ Spring shook his predecessor’s limp hand. ‘Is it?’

‘You’re just in time to catch the opening reception. What happened

with your registration, man?’

‘Not a thing. What registration?’

‘There must have been some mistake. ’

‘Not a-tall. I wasn’t invited. ’

Spring winced. Piper had a slight British accent, though his

mother was American and he’d spent years in DC. The nattiness of

Piper’s tidy sentences made Spring’s voice sound twangy and crass. The Director led his ward through the sterile lobby. The Kenyatta

International Conference Centre was spacious but lacked

flair—wooden slatted with the odd acute angle whose determination

to seem modern had guaranteed that the architecture would date

in a matter of months. Kenyans were proud of the building, the way,